Grumpy With Out Of Office Auto Reply

Only once before have a lifted a Facebook conversation and directly used it as Grumpy material. Strangely enough it was a conversation between a certain BVV, a conversation about her mum's undies that amused me a lot.

Below is another such Facebook dialogue. This is how my Grumpy material starts out so often, either me doing something I consider out of character, or some random idiotic musing. This was one of the latter. Part of the way through, BVV ran with the ball.

If I write a reply to an out of office auto reply message, do you think they would find it funny, or do you think they would think I was a bit slow?

Especially if it grew into a lengthy conversation...

"Yes, I understand that you won't be back in the office until Monday the 13th. I really understand this and there is no need to keep telling me that you won't be back until then and I'm more than happy to wait until then to further our conversation."

"Please stop telling me you will be out of the office until the 13th. It's starting to get really annoying. What are you - bragging about all the leisure time you manage to have while the rest of us slave away at our meaningless jobs?"

"Oh I get it. You're so fast with these replies that you're gloating about actually having an actual job to return to, knowing full well that as of today, I don't have a job. Ooh - aren't you so so cool with your office and your job and your officey paraphernalia like a desk and a... a computer and probably some pens in a jar and a photo of the tropical paradise you've been away at until the 12th... ooh ooh ooh look at you..."

"Okay - stop! Just stop with this out of the office until the 13th thing. I'm sick of it. I really am. And I've changed my mind about you. For a while there I thought we might get along nicely. I really did want to work for you and thought it could all work out well. But you've changed. Or maybe I've just seen the real you... a condescending, gloating, smug person who thinks potential employees are fair game for your... erm... condescending, gloating smugness. Let's just end this now. I don't want your job (as perfect as it sounds) and I certainly don't want to hear from you again. Ever. Period... whatever that means. So please, please, please don't write back to me to inform me that you are out of the office until Monday. Thank you and goodbye."

"All RIGHT already. I've GOT IT - YOU'RE ON HOLIDAY! If you say it one more time you can consider our business relationship terminated."

“Christ on a BIKE. You really did it. You sent it again. I'm really starting to doubt your sanity now. Five times was enough.

"AAARGH! You just did it again? What did I say would happen if you did it again? What does it take to get through to you?"

“RIGHT. That's it. You think you've won, but I'm simply going to ignore you. Don't bother emailing back.”

"I said don't bother... oh never mind. You just don't get it, do you."

"It's been seven exhausting days now... why do you persist? I feel drained, beaten, worn down like Tom Hanks in Castaway... why are you doing this to me? I'm sorry but I just don't understand. Can we stop this now please? Please?"

“Oh God...I'll just contact you again after the 13th when you're back and we can take it from there. Sorry if I got reactive, I'm just really passionate when I'm enthusiastic about something.”

Meanwhile, Back In Barcelona...

The Dreaded One and I are going through a bit of a rough patch right now. Just normal, shitty stuff to do with work, uncertainty etc. No worse than anyone else but we have been having sleep issues due to stress etc. We're trying to stay positive but it gets hard sometimes. We haven't felt the urge to go out at all and we have been a little less social than usual. You tend to get like that when things aren't going well and your esteem is taking a bit of a belting. I'm kind of used to the low self esteem thing but it's shaken me a little to see The Dreaded One go through it. Very unsettling. But things will work out.

But how is this to restore your feeling of worth -  this photo? A dear, dear friend in Spain took a three day trip to my favourite city, Barcelona. We travelled with these guys on the last trip... in fact both last trips to Europe. But the last one saw us travel for about a month through Spain and Portugal. Interesting times. There were arguments, or rather one big argument. It was a doozy. But we pulled through and overall I look back on that road trip in a good way. We are still friends and I would do it again, knowing what we were in for and maybe with some precautions/agreed rules or whatever. Maybe the argument (in reality, a massive dummy spit on my part) served to clear the air. Maybe we know each other a little better. Certainly the rest of the road trip after that was smoother. Maybe you need these flare ups to strengthen the relationship.

Anyway, our friend Annye made a little cut out Ann & Lee to take with them on their trip to Barcelona. She took pictures of them all through the city - on the beach, by a platter of paella, next to a plate of jamon, me diving into my favourite iced coffee concoction, hovering above the city with Sagrada Familia in the background, all captioned in a very amusing way. Apparently she laughed a lot as she staged the photos, and onlookers also laughed.

It is an hilarious collection of photos. We sat in our home in Melbourne and laughed and giggled over the album. And just behind the laughter, we were both quite moved. This was a lovely, lovely gesture. It was a reminder that although our recent work situations were/are not ideal, when left with the friends we love so much, we seem to do something right. If you can't reach across the world and hug someone when they're feeling down, little cut-out versions of you taken on a road trip have the same effect. Very amusing. Very lovely.

I wish my very close friends were not so far away. But I'm glad I have them in my life at all.