Saudade, I Think.

I love the concept of melancholy. There's another word, saudade. I thought they were different but it seems they are kind of the same. I thought saudade meant a longing for something or someone that never was.

The longing for someone that never was. Wanting to be in a place or a time or be with someone that never was. You have never been there. You have never been then. You have never known them.

But your heart aches. You miss this place you have never been to, you miss this time that was your time but not your time, you miss this soul you have never known.

I was overwhelmed by this feeling tonight. It's happened before, but tonight, these long moments of longing overwhelmed me.

I am a recluse. I am solitary man, with wonderful friends, but I really missed someone who doesn't exist. I hadn't realised it, but I envy The Dreaded One for calling her mother each week and just chatting to her. Their relationship has been typical of a mother daughter relationship with its ups and downs, but it's a really beautiful thing to hear them talking now. I think they both enjoy these weekly catch ups.

And I just found myself feeling kinda weird thinking how cool would it be to pick up the phone and say, Hey Dad, how are you?