Grumpy
With Sarah Bird Lewis-Hammond
“I’ve
kind of always been on ‘the writing journey’ but not necessarily
always been writing. I have an incredibly prolific internal narrator
who has spent the last thirty squillion years turning my everyday
life into some kind of pseudo-noir half-arsed semiotic analysis of
sitting on a bus and going to the shop.”
My
friendship with Sarah – or Bird as she is known to her friends –
came out of the blue when I was an editor of dance music mag 3D
World. Hers was one of the many submissions I received asking to
contribute to the magazine. Her first Acid Tongue column was, from
memory, well written and came from a very personal place. I emailed
to say yeah sure, I like it, but do you want to tone it down at all.
I would find out that Bird is an all or nothing person.
The
emails continued. A friendship was brewing. Quite a special one. I
clearly remember the day the editor sitting across the desk from me
asked what I was laughing about this time, and I said “It's this
Bird person. I have to meet her.”
We
met after countless, rambling, hilarious emails. Turned out I'd been
walking past her twice a day; she worked in a pub just around the
corner from my office. We went out. We got slaughtered. We laughed a
lot. She moved in with The Dreaded One and me for a while. Eventually
she continued her travels and went back to the UK and the rest of her
life.
Ten years have gone by since that first random email.
We've had our ups and downs, had our misunderstandings, have enjoyed
a laugh or two. Much has changed in that time. What has remained
constant is the essence of Bird. She is an impressive character and a
wonderful human being.
You're
a busy person, Sarah Bird Lewis-Hammond. What is this interview
interrupting right now?
You are
interrupting the following: Tweeting for the UK Crowdfunding
Association; looking at an initial plan for my second novel;
wondering why I’m not working on my first novel; drinking a glass
of red wine (something Italian, can’t remember the grape but also
not about to get up to check. Oh but my glass is empty. Hang on. Nero
D’Avola Frappato.); swooning after a mental few days with an ill
and clingy 15 month old; complaining that my tongue hurts; eating a
chocolate chip cookie; trying to figure out when to write the
renewable energy investment newsletter that needs to be sent to the
editor tomorrow when it’s already 10:30pm. Also thinking about
knitting an R2D2 outfit for my daughter.
What
do you tell people you do when they ask you what you do?
It
depends who it is. At the moment I tend to mumble a few things and
hope they lose interest. The mumble goes something like this: I was a
journalist specialising in environmental issues, then I did an MA in
creative writing and then I had a baby. At the moment I’m
half-stay-at-home mumming, half-writing for a company that does work
around renewable energy investment, and half-finishing my first
novel. But I also do stuff like run writing workshops in Brighton and
look for a girlfriend for my brother. It’s all a little shambolic
right now.
What
do people think you do?
Fuck
around on Facebook.
What
do you actually do?
Fuck
around on Facebook and Twitter.
You
didn't study journalism or writing in your university years, did you?
What did you study?
Non. My
undergrad was in maths and I got a well-deserved third. I was shit at
it from the beginning so I think I should get an award for sticking
it out
Before
embarking on this writing journey (does that sound wanky? Writing
journey?), where was your career headed? And how happy with your
work/life were you at that stage?
After I
graduated I got a job building websites and I proper hated it. I was
miserable, my career was heading nowhere and I reached a point of
near meltdown. Most days were spent in a dissociative state of fury
and angst. It took me a while but I realised it was all a little daft
and completely avoidable so I jumped on a plane and drunk some
buckets on the Koh San Road with other over-privileged whities, sat
on some beaches and on top of some mountains and did some Serious
Thinking and realised that in my fantasy best future I hung around
writing cool stuff and reading cool stuff and talking about both the
writing and the reading. Actually making a living out of being a
fiction writer seemed completely impractical so I hit upon journalism
as an idea. I continued my cliché of a Grand Tour and headed to
Sydney, whereupon I stumbled across your sorry arse and you foolishly
started paying me to write shit. It transpired that I’m not that
great at journalism and making a living out of reading and writing
and talking fiction might not be quite so crazy after all so after
the world’s most circuitous route I’m gradually heading over that
way.
How
happy are you now compared to then?
Immeasurably.
It’s like different lives. Things are gradually slotting into place
and although stuff doesn’t always work out, and the choices I make
means things are sometimes tough, I can look back on how miserable I
was and know why I can’t compromise on what is most important to
me.
For
someone with a non-journalistic background, you've had some pretty
impressive achievements. Tell us a bit about those achievements and
what they have meant to you.
Errr, I
dunno if they are impressive to be honest. More luck, good timing and
steam-rolling into things without thinking. I started a magazine on a
whim because my ex-boss had pissed me off and I saw a gap in the
market left by my ex-ex-boss. It was a financial disaster but was
bought up at the last minute by the local rag. That gave me the
opportunity to do some pretty cool stuff. I started an environment
section in that local rag, which at the time was one of the first of
its kind and I won an award for that. I didn’t win it because I was
a great journalist, I won it because I was the only person doing that
particular thing at the time. In subsequent years, when others
started picking up on how big green news was getting, I wasn’t even
shortlisted. I also started a local award scheme for grassroots
environmental achievement, which was wicked fun and really valuable
but, again, a financial disaster so it couldn’t carry on which I
still think is a real shame. Then I applied for the creative writing
MA on a whim because I had a conversation with someone during which
we both whinged about how we weren’t writing as much as we want and
I thought that was pretty pathetic and wanted to change it. I applied
because I wanted to be able to say at least I had tried. It was a
surprise that I not only got on the course but won a bursary from a
literary agency, so that was all pretty excellent.
In terms
of what it’s meant to me, I’m a little on the insecure side and
need constant validation, so winning things is like yay! I can carry
on! And then not winning things is like no! I need to hide under a
duvet and cry! The MA thing has been both the biggest confidence
boost and crusher ever. It’s very competitive so getting on it was
all yay! I’m actually pretty good at this! But then I was
surrounded by these phenomenally talented people which made me all
no! I’m really shite at this!
How
long have you been an environmentalist?
I
wouldn’t really call myself an environmentalist. It’s a default
state for anyone who lives on the planet and quite likes it. You
wouldn’t call someone who likes breathing and wants to carry on
breathing a breathalist, you’d just call them a person. It’s the
same thing. I like the environment and want to carry on living in it
thanksverymuch.
Having
said that, it was probably around 2003 – 2004 when I started
thinking about ‘the environment’ in less abstract terms. I had
seen a lot of human impact in otherwise wild places and also started
writing for a local hippie magazine. I wrote an article about carbon
offsetting and although it’s not really a practical solution the
lateral thinking really caught my attention. It built from there and
I got a bit hooked on the science of the solutions. Human imagination
at its best.
It kind
of goes in phases to be honest. Right now I’m not so interested in
doing my recycling and I’ve just got a new car which I love so I’m
not exactly the model greenie, but I’m really into the potential of
renewable energy and next-gen finance to drive it forward. I’m also
really interested in the way we represent climate change in media and
literature and the way our written culture impacts on the social and
political discourse.
Among
my friends I have a couple who absolutely deny that humanity is
having any significant impact on climate change. What would you say
to those people?
Nothing.
I’ve got more interesting conversations to have with more
interesting people.
I’m
not a campaigner but if I was I would direct my campaign to where the
most impact can be made, and that certainly isn’t wasting energy
shouting at people who aren’t going to change their minds.
What
shape do you think humanity is in right now. Any hope for us?
Things
are a little wobbly around the edges, and some days it certainly
seems as though we’re heading straight towards some kind of epic
implosion but it’s also a very interesting time. Human imagination
is genuinely awe-inspiring. At the moment, I spend a lot of time
researching the expansion of renewable energy capacity and output.
There is a lot of positivity that isn’t reported because We’re
All Going To Die is a much better headline. Unsubsidised solar and
wind power are now cheaper than subsidised gas and coal in some parts
of the world. That’s big news. I mean, that is proper massive.
While there are plenty of other serious issues, I think cracking
clean, cheap, renewable energy is the key so I’m in an optimistic
phase right now. If nothing else, we’ll beat it by sheer force of
numbers. I mean, wiping out 10 billion of us fuckers is gonna be a
tough job.
How
long have you written fiction? Did you dream of being a fiction
writer as a kid?
My turn
to wank! No wait. My turn to sound wanky. I’ve kind of always been
on ‘the writing journey’ but not necessarily always been writing.
I have an incredibly prolific internal narrator who has spent the
last thirty squillion years turning my everyday life into some kind
of pseudo-noir half-arsed semiotic analysis of sitting on a bus and
going to the shop. It’s only really been in the last ten years that
I started seriously putting it down in pixels.
Somewhere
I’ve got a few stories I wrote as a teenager, there are a few
diaries and notebooks kicking around. As a kid I think I wanted to be
a research chemist and then a waitress and then a computer programmer
and then a dinosaur. I didn’t dream of being a fiction writer but I
was a big reader and remember getting to the end of books and
thinking ‘I’m totally going to do one of those one day’.
So
when did you start taking fiction writing seriously?
I think
it was about 2002 or 2003 when I finally sat down and wrote a story
that I didn’t think was awful. Before then I knew what it was I
wanted to do but really struggled to put a shape to it, if that made
any sense, so I spent a lot of time writing very long and wistful
emails to people that somehow sated the hunger but without providing
any actual nutrition. I kept all the emails in the same way I’ve
got all my dairies and notebooks but stupid Yahoo deleted them a
couple of years ago. It was devastating.
And
where are you at now with fiction?
Frustrated.
I feel like I’ve been working on this novel forever and I just want
to get it finished and published and have a couple of people read it
and tell me what they think and then move on to the next thing. But
also elated, it’s now part of my life in a way that really was only
a dream a few years ago.
Can
you tell us anything about the novel?
It’s
the story of a young woman whose terminally ill, estranged
step-father asks for her help getting to a suicide clinic in Europe.
There’s some shit about bridges and flowers too.
You're
furthering your education, aren't you. Or doing something
university-ie? Something to do with something I'll never have
anything to do with. (I don't even know how to spell PHD). What's
happening there?
Ummm
nowt at the moment. I want to study the way climate change is
represented in contemporary fiction and the way that feeds back into
the popular culture on the subject, and whether our rampant
anthropocentrism is actually the key to behaviour change. But there
are many complexities involved in going back to uni at this
particular juncture.
Why
do that when you can just, you know, write?
Two
reasons: Firstly, because I can’t just write. I have to make a
living as well. Realistically, I’m not going to make a living out
of writing fiction, but I could make a living out of writing fiction
and lecturing about fiction and writing the occasional overwrought
academic paper.
Secondly,
because it’s really all part of the same thing. The more I know
about stuff the better writer I am.
Tell
us about family life and what impact it is having on your writing
endeavours.
Being a
mum is pretty much the best thing ever but I am fucking knackered
from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed. In one respect
having a kid has been very positive for my writing because it’s
forced me into a strict routine and made me focus on my goals, but in
another respect it’s been a bit crap as I’m fucking knackered all
the time. It’s also very motivating in that I want my daughter to
think I’m awesome, which means I have to make myself awesome.
What's
your favourite Edie moment so far?
It’s
all been pretty cool (mostly). Just watching someone start from
scratch and figure stuff out is incredibly compelling. If I had to
pick one thing it would probably be a few weeks before Christmas when
she had just learn to walk. We went to a cafe by the ice rink with
some friends and Edie was running around grinning at random people,
squealing at the little penguins that kids use to hold them up on the
ice. It was all very festive and lovely but that wasn’t what was so
great, it was the first time she wasn’t a little baby anymore and
while that was sad in its own way it also felt full of a glorious
potential.
Your
favourite Toby moment?
It’s
all been pretty cool (mostly). There’s so many times he’s made me
laugh till I thought I was going to die. And just being a family is
great. Also he made me a cup of tea the other day that was
particularly delish.
Writing-wise,
what are your goals for the next 12 months, five years, 10 years?
I’ve
only got one goal at the moment and that’s to finish my novel by
September of this year. Nothing else really exists at the moment.
How
confident are you in achieving that goal?
Meh. I
am riddled with insecurity but with a completely idealistic
undercurrent of absolute certainty that everything will fall into
place. So, you know, it will either happen or not, and either way
I’ll be right.
You
must have times of doubt. What keeps you going through those times?
If I’m
writing and I’ve spent more than thirty minutes thinking I’m
writing a big pile of shit I’ll walk away and come back to it
later. If I still think it’s shit a few days later it gets sent to
the great Word document in the sky. I once asked Ali Smith (who I
totally adore) the same question and she shrugged and said “You
just have to ignore it”. It seemed so clear cut for her, and for
some reason that really enabled me to be better at ignoring the
doubt. You have to be stubborn otherwise nothing ever gets done, and
you have to think about it as a job. No other occupation would allow
you to swoon at your laptop for three weeks. There are deadlines and
they have to be met.
Toby is
also fantastic when I’m full of drama about how terrible it all is.
He’s a creative type too so he really gets the necessity of the
occasional flap and always has the right thing to say.
You'll
probably hate this question, but creatively, who are some of your
biggest inspirations?
I hate
this question. The minute anyone asks me I suddenly forget
EVERYTHING. I guess my main source of cultural input is text-based:
books, articles, blogs, etc. I’m not a huge consumer of music or
visual arts because I think I’m probably dead on the inside. At the
moment I’m really into magical realism in a Salman Rushdie kind of
way, and also realism that seems very magical in a Colum McCann kind
of way. In terms of storylines I get a lot of ideas from real life,
things people tell me, situations that arise. I’m a chronic asker
of “what if?” and a perpetual creator of drama, although I try to
keep that mostly to my fiction these days. In general I have quite
visual ideas of how I want things to sound when they’re read and
how I want them to make people feel, which I guess doesn’t really
make a huge amount of sense.
What
advice would you give to a younger you? You pick the age.
Stop
being a twat. Age < 30
What
was the last thing that made you LOL?
Someone
I know posted some conspiracy thing on Facebook about why the Pope
resigned, and it stated as a well known fact that the Queen regularly
makes human sacrifices at Balmoral.
Now
that you have finished these questions, what are you about to do?
Go to
bed. Cold sheets are the best.
