Wednesday, February 12, 2014

The Importance (or not) Of Pokelery

In Grumpy & The Dreaded One's Little Cafe Of Awesome, just yesterday, I watched a customer eat a bacon and egg roll with a knife and fork. Seriously - what is that all about? I wasn't going to kick him out or accuse him of being homosexual or British or anything, but really? Cutlery for a bacon & egg roll? Who does that?

I noticed that part of the way through the meal, he did away with the cutlery (or pokelery, as I like to call it - why should the knife have naming rights when it's the pokey fork that is most invaluable in these situations? You can poke with out the knife; you can't cut without the fork).

I assume that what happened part the way through the meal to cause this transition from the weird to the normal way of eating a bacon and egg roll, the guy's eating companion, who was eating his bacon and egg roll in the traditionally accepted manner, raised an eyebrow and asked him if he was homosexual or British or something. Like, you know, "What the fuck are you doing? It's a bacon and egg roll - who eats a bacon and egg roll with pokelery?"

Then today I watched a customer tuck in to a fresh chicken and salad sandwich... with pokelery! A knife and fork! Why? WHY?

Thursday, February 06, 2014

Trusting The Vibe

A guy comes into the cafe and wants to pre-pay for his team of workers' lunch on his credit card. They are installing air conditioners in the apartments above the cafe. He wants to pay for seven coffees, seven sweet slice type things, seven burgers. I'm worried about the burgers being different prices and is there going to be money owed back, so I tell him lets settle the bill afterwards.

Later I wonder if this was a stupid thing to do, because I have no deposit, no security. The guys all come in and order stuff and it all adds up to quite a bit. And all the guy left me with was his business card with his contact details.

I call the guy to say we're closing at 4pm, can you come down and sort the bill please. He says no can do because I am back at the office. He gives me his credit card details instead.

All good.

Problem is, I can't do an over-the-phone credit card transaction. I don't know why until I go to the bank and explain the situation. They tell me that we can't do over-the-phone transactions until we've been operating for six months.

Pooh, I think, and wonder if I have been very stupid. I shouldn't have trusted the guy. I should have taken payment upfront.

I email the guy to ask for payment to be transferred into our bank account, wondering is this is going to get complicated.

Meantime, earlier, a guy comes into the cafe and says he'll give me five dollars if we break our rule about not handing out change for parking metres (this is the most loosely enforced rule ever... we are near a hospital and although it's really fucking annoying to give out change for parking meters, sometimes change for parking meters should not be a drama for the hospital visitors). I start  counting out the money, then give him his full amount back, saying I can't possibly do that do him, give him 15 out of 20 just so he gets some change. I can't do that. But he insists.

I put the five dollars in the tip jar, which unlike a lot of cafes, we share with our staff.

A guy walks in and wants something to eat. He only has six dollars. All we have left are our pre-made sandwiches which are $8.50. He turns to leave but hell, a guy just gave us a fiver for nothing, so I give the guy a cheap sandwich with the promise of him not telling anyone.

And just now I get an email from the air conditioner guy. Our transaction is based on nothing except goodwill. But the goodwill has been honoured.

Sometimes, you just gotta trust the vibe.

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Are You Looking For Anyone?

Another traveller came into the cafe today looking for work. "Are you looking for anyone at the moment?" she asked in her adorable accent.

I came this close to telling her, "No, sorry, I'm in a long term relationship. But if I was looking for someone you'd be right at the top of the list, you fetching young minx you."

Monday, February 03, 2014

Remember Those Times.

Do you remember those times
Of dark hallways
Of late night bleariness
Of stumbling,
And daytime eyes
Wide and blind in the dark,
When we'd bump into each other
And stop
And hold each other
Tender and folded in each others arms
With time on hold
Just for now
Just for now
Skin against skin
Breath and late night whispers
Because this is what we do
This is what people do
When they are in love.

I remember those times.