Monday, March 22, 2010

Brainspill 2: How Will I Find You?

Went for drinks at The Taphouse yesterday. Didn't think I'd go back there after a bit of an altercation a while back, but hell, water under the bridge etc.

A friend was in town for birthday drinks and a few doofer friends were going to be there. They started to trickle in and we moved into a room upstairs. It's a beautiful pub really. I hadn't fully recovered from the night before - The Dreaded One and I stayed in and stayed up getting messy. It was a lot of fun. We still get a lot out of each other when alone, after all these years. We've had some bumpy times over the years because I develop some pretty strong friendships with women from time to time. She once pointed this out and asked me, what are you looking for? What are you trying to find?

I'm not looking for anything. I'm not trying to find anything. What happens is, somehow these people find me. These unlikely friendships, they just happen. Our snug little world has been shaken up from time to time, but when the dust settles what's left is our life being enriched that little more by the presence of these new people. They find me every time. Or perhaps we find each other.

Is there a pattern? Maybe. It usually goes, life chugs along then New Person appears out of the blue. A kind of love emerges. It's me initially, but then there is real friendship between The Dreaded One and New Person too. This happened maybe five times, and after initial friction and uneccessary jealousy, there is real friendship. One New Person, for a while there I didn't think they would ever be in the same room as The Dreaded One, but I've seen them together talking and laughing like the very best of friends. I think it gets easier now. I really am not looking for anything, but I willl embrace another friendship just as tightly if it comes along. If it finds me.

The Dreaded One's best friend once asked her, in the next life, how will I find you?

That idea has lingered for a long time. It's beautiful and sad, and maybe that's what we're all doing, we're all trying to find each other.

So yesterday in the pub, upstairs in our private room. Sun is setting, room is filling. There is talk but my mind wanders. I'm tired and more drunk than I probably should be (but just as drunk as I frequently am). I start looking around at all these faces and am struck by how much I like these people. All of them. Talking faces. Laughing faces. Faces that simply were not there, once upon a time. This room full of people... where did they come from? How did their paths cross? How did they find each other?

There are other faces I want to be there in that room, but they cannot be there. Life's a merciless wind that blows us about like fallen leaves. This is good in many ways. Lives connect unexpectedly. If you're lucky, someone makes an impact and they are part of your life. You've found each other against all the odds.

I'm happy in that room, happy and a little melancholy. But mainly happy. There are hugs and laughs and plans made for the future. Some golden people in that room. Nice things are said. Feelings are expressed. Kind of people they are.

At one point The Dreaded One takes the vacant seat next to me and asks if I am all right. She knows me pretty well. She's been watching me. She asks if I want to go home. Yeah, I say, I think I do.

We say our goodbyes and make our way home.

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