Saturday, May 11, 2013

Grumpy With Out Of Office Auto Reply

Only once before have a lifted a Facebook conversation and directly used it as Grumpy material. Strangely enough it was a conversation between a certain BVV, a conversation about her mum's undies that amused me a lot.

Below is another such Facebook dialogue. This is how my Grumpy material starts out so often, either me doing something I consider out of character, or some random idiotic musing. This was one of the latter. Part of the way through, BVV ran with the ball.

If I write a reply to an out of office auto reply message, do you think they would find it funny, or do you think they would think I was a bit slow?

Especially if it grew into a lengthy conversation...

"Yes, I understand that you won't be back in the office until Monday the 13th. I really understand this and there is no need to keep telling me that you won't be back until then and I'm more than happy to wait until then to further our conversation."

"Please stop telling me you will be out of the office until the 13th. It's starting to get really annoying. What are you - bragging about all the leisure time you manage to have while the rest of us slave away at our meaningless jobs?"

"Oh I get it. You're so fast with these replies that you're gloating about actually having an actual job to return to, knowing full well that as of today, I don't have a job. Ooh - aren't you so so cool with your office and your job and your officey paraphernalia like a desk and a... a computer and probably some pens in a jar and a photo of the tropical paradise you've been away at until the 12th... ooh ooh ooh look at you..."

"Okay - stop! Just stop with this out of the office until the 13th thing. I'm sick of it. I really am. And I've changed my mind about you. For a while there I thought we might get along nicely. I really did want to work for you and thought it could all work out well. But you've changed. Or maybe I've just seen the real you... a condescending, gloating, smug person who thinks potential employees are fair game for your... erm... condescending, gloating smugness. Let's just end this now. I don't want your job (as perfect as it sounds) and I certainly don't want to hear from you again. Ever. Period... whatever that means. So please, please, please don't write back to me to inform me that you are out of the office until Monday. Thank you and goodbye."

"All RIGHT already. I've GOT IT - YOU'RE ON HOLIDAY! If you say it one more time you can consider our business relationship terminated."

Christ on a BIKE. You really did it. You sent it again. I'm really starting to doubt your sanity now. Five times was enough.

"AAARGH! You just did it again? What did I say would happen if you did it again? What does it take to get through to you?"

RIGHT. That's it. You think you've won, but I'm simply going to ignore you. Don't bother emailing back.”

"I said don't bother... oh never mind. You just don't get it, do you."

"It's been seven exhausting days now... why do you persist? I feel drained, beaten, worn down like Tom Hanks in Castaway... why are you doing this to me? I'm sorry but I just don't understand. Can we stop this now please? Please?"

Oh God...I'll just contact you again after the 13th when you're back and we can take it from there. Sorry if I got reactive, I'm just really passionate when I'm enthusiastic about something.”


Bright Precious said...

You are hilarious. That is all. Enjoyed this muchly!

Lee Bemrose said...

Thank you. Glad you enjoyed:)

Onion said...

Very funny...Im tempted to try this but Id have to think of who I know with the sense of humour to appreciate it...