Monday, July 02, 2007

Things Not To Include In Your Resume

I've been sending out a resume for quite a while now that I saved as "Resume." I haven't read it in quite a while. I just write a covering letter and attach the file.

Just minutes ago I got curious and decided to read the actual resume in case in needed to be tweaked or updated.


Maybe a year ago I applied for something involving humour (clown? Probably), so I decided then to tailor the resume to the job. Stupidly, I saved it as "Resume" and forgot that it had been comically tweaked.

So ever since then, prospective employers have been reading a resume that includes such things as: "Prior to 1997... look I really can't remember what I was doing prior to 1997 because there was rather a lot of alcohol involved and it's all a bit of a blur. I think I had fun though... lots of blurry fun."

Then there's this gem: "I consider this an achievement worth mentioning because I had always regarded myself as being breathtakingly lazy."

I think I have to implement some sort of resume labeling system. Yes. That's the thing.


Kathryn said...

Oh my god. That's hilarious. It would be great if you had a humourous reply along the lines of:

"Dear Sir:

Although we do appreciate those graced with 'breathtakingly lazy' tendacies I regret to inform you that all of those places are currently occupied. We shall keep your resume on profile for future use if a lazy position soon is available or if need of blurry fun becomes prominent (and do not worry, it most likely will).


Please let us know if you get any responses. *snigger*

By the way, how long have you been sending out the wrong resume and how many places have you sent it? Oh dear. :)

EmmaK said...

But surely even when you apply for a job as a clown you have to act 'serious' and career focussed so taking the piss like that was a bit of a no no, wasn't it? You should have written:
"I am extremely customer focussed and keen on honing my juggling skills, on making sure I have the largest and most ludicrous shoes in the business, and making more audience members pee their pants even than Coco, because I am so hilarious."

Mel said...

It's either 'breath takingly' honest or ... dare I say it ... retarded. :)
I'd go with Kathryn's response if I were an employer getting your special resume.

Quick said...

I don't know how long I've been sending out the wrong one Kathryn. I don't want to think about it.

Emma - I think the job description for this particular clown must have included "must have a proven ability to take the piss." Or something.

The latter, Mel... as well as a bit of the former.

Nicholas Pickard said...

That's bloody hilarious!

What would have been gold would have been given an interview...

to find a boss that said... "you know what... I 'm like that too!"

Anonymous said...

I think that's brilliant. And you know, even if you spent many years jobless and eventually perhaps starving to death, it would be worth it just to see if you ever got a positive response. I'd love a job where my monumental laziness and appreciation of blurriness were finally put to good use.

Quick said...

Nicholas - If I had received a job app like that I would totally have asked the person in for a chat... just out of curiosity.

Z - I' glad my demise would have been worth it for the laughs :)