Thursday, May 14, 2009

17 Pings Only

My Internet access just went down big time. At first I thought it was my beloved new lapppy, but the desk top also wasn't working. I isolated the source of the problem which was the new wireless router. Red light = not good.

Don't know about the rest of you but no internet access sends a chilling fear through to the very core of my being. No. Internet. Access. Fuck. Is life really worth enduring with no internet access?

I dug out the pieces of paper that claimed to have all the relevant information to end this hellish torment. Any of you regular readers will probably already be smirking because you know very well that when it comes to things technical, I'm a bit of an idiot. I'd rather not consult pieces of paper with all the relevant information on them but fuck man - no internet access! Dire situations demand drastic action.

Armed with my pieces of paper, I logged into the router wotsit on the big computer. I entered the top secret password and username and stuff came up on the screen. There was too much to choose from. It wasn't even colour-coded so that I could work my way through my favourite colours (yes I am bunging it on just a little bit... but as a tip to techies who set these things up, colour coding would be nice for idiots like me. You know, you start off with the friendly colours like greens and blues and work your way through to the angry colours as it becomes apparent that we are dealing with a very serious problem here).

I entered some numbers and sent a ping. I was quite chuffed with that. Ping indicated that something was okay but that still meant something was a bit buggered. I sent another ping because I liked the sound of sending a ping. Made me feel like Sean Connery in that submarine movie.

I ran some diagnostics which was even more impressive than sending all the pings I'd been sending for the last five minutes. This involved me hitting the diagnostics button and the computer doing something mysterious. I then attempted to analise the diagnostics. This involved me scratching my chin as I stared at some numbers on the screen and wondered what it all meant.

I sent another couple of pings.

I rebooted the router and for a short time it looked like the sun would, in fact, shine again. But nope. I switched everything off, unplugged everything, crossed my fingers and said a little prayer before hooking everything back up again.

More sadness. Another couple of pings and I stormed off in a huff to take a nice hot shower.

After my shower I returned to the computer armed with a whole lot of attitude and the light on the router was green. Green! A Happy colour!

Just goes to show, a nice hot shower can do wonders.


Kathryn said...

Hahaha. As you once said, I don't think you'll be working for NASA anytime soon. ;-)

Lee said...

I might once I've explained my revolutionary nice hot shower theory for fixing things to them.

Y said...

What big technical words you've been using, Lee! I'm constantly frustrated by the computer. Frustrated, because the majority of my problems are often solved by the "Have you tried turning it on and off again" turn of phrase. How can something so complicated be so easy at the same time!?

Lee said...

They're funny creatures, aren't they Y? I tried the turn off and on again thing first but it didn't work. That's why I got all James Bond on its arse. Didn't know about the nice hot shower solution.

isabelle said...

Hmmm, I wonder, does that pesky internet, with its up and downs, eat posts too?

I swear I came by the other and saw something short and sad and lovely.

(doesn't the word ping make you smile ? )

Lee said...

Hello Isabelle. That would be the post that was about happiness. I sometimes write these things late at night and without inhibition only to censor myself in waking hours. Glad you thought it was lovely though, for the brief time it was there.

(ping is funny... just wish internet pings actually went ping).