Thursday, May 07, 2009

Justice Of The Peace, Man

So lemme get this right... the bank in another state I'm taking out a loan from wants me to get a statutory declaration signed by a Justice Of The Peace stating that I am the one and the same person. Welcome to my life. Oh wait on, this is my life.

It all started because for as long as I can remember I've loathed my middle name, and at some point in my adulthood I just stopped using it. But it does pop up from time to time and as a result on some legal documents I am Lee Mysteryname Bemrose (obviously it's not really Mysteryname... I'd probably keep that one), while on others it's just plain Lee Bemrose.

So everythings cool with the loan guys until the loan guys' legal guys notice the Mysteryname thing and go what? Could this be two people? Two people who look the same and live at the same address and who were born on the same day but are potentially two people? Hmm. Hmmmm.

So to put their minds at rest they ask me to get some Marvel Comics character called Justice Of The Peace (dunt dunt darn) to promise them that although he's never met me, I am one and the same person.

I pick a random Justice Of The Peace from a directory of Justices Of The Peaces (if only there were as many Supermans the world would be a much better place), and he obliges. Signs his name swearing I am one and the same person and I send it off to the imaginative solicitors in another state who have never met me or my Justice Of The Peace (yeah, he's my personal Justice Of The Peace now).

I try, but mostly I just don't get stuff.

8 comments:

Kathryn said...

It is a really funny name. Justice of the Peace, I mean. Not your "mysteryname."

Oh yeah. Have you ever played around with what your porn name would be? Just thinking of middle names brought this to mind. You take your middle name as your first name and for your last the first street you ever lived on. Mine would be: Jean Blackburn.

Lee said...

Yeaah but the rules were different It was you first pet's name, yourfirst street name and your mother's maiden name. I was Biff Tudor Bemrose.

Kathryn said...

Oooh, if we are playing it that way I am Puff Blackburn Buckley. Hmm. I kind of like the other one more. Puff sounds adequate but oh-so-wrong. Biff sounds like a porn name fo' sho.

Lee said...

Biff & Puff & The Second Cumming Of The Thick Broth.

isabelle said...

oh , that's funny, mine are either , Rachel Dartmouth or Ben Dartmouth-Calderbank.

Lee said...

Poshest porn names ever, Isabelle.

Kathryn said...

Thick broth is just wrong. WRONG.

Lee said...

(I left a comment about sticky gobs of thick broth yesterday but deleted it because it was so wrong. Just thought I'd let you know).