Wednesday, October 01, 2014

Laugh. Just Laugh. If You Don't Laugh, You Won't Laugh

I don't know another industry that is so open to criticism by absolutely any knucklehead as the hospitality industry is. (Aside from Hollywood). Who writes detailed reviews for social media of librarians or cab drivers or security guards? Why does the hospitality industry have to cop it?

And there are sites everywhere that give voice to illiterate, moronic, anonymous criticism from bitter trolls, and small businesses have to just sit back and take it with no right of reply. It's so wrong. Constructive criticism is a great thing. Just being negative while you hide your identity is not.

We're struggling a little at the moment, but we have to deal with this anonymous twat. This is his diatribe and my response to it. My response isn't posted in full on the website in question, which is frustrating because I thought the way to the thing of whatever was humour... I'm getting increasingly tired of this world.

All I ask is that if you are publicly slamming me, use your own photo and your real name. Otherwise, shut the fuck up. Your opinion is nothing unless you are prepared to stand behind it.

Have some integrity.

Here's this, for what it's worth:
Little cafe of terribleness
Doesn't like it
The food is quite uninspiring and the coffee is very bitter to the point of tasting burnt. The guy making the coffee certainly lives up to his nickname "grumpy" and never cracks a smile, but i kind of feel he needs to break away from that tradition if he's working in a customer service industry as he just comes across as rude. As for his co-owner, she seemed friendly, but when asking for water on the table, this never arrived even though the cafe was quiet, which reduces the chances of her being caught up in the hectic nature that cafes can sometimes become. As well as this, they are a bit too quick to clear your plates and cups which is a pet hate of mine as it feels as though you're being rushed out the door.So in summary: The coffee tastes cheap and there's better food quality and customer service in the surrounding cafes. This place would probably fit nicely in a rural area where there's less choice and people are not as aware of how fantastic coffee can taste when done well.

My reply to this idiot, who doesn't have the initiative to stand up and get the water for himself when the getting the water thing has gone awry for him...

You're kind of right when you say Grumpy never cracks a smile, but only kind of. Technically speaking, he rarely cracks a smile. He is someone for whom smiling and indeed laughing is a genuine response to the external stimulus of happiness, and like many people his mood-integrity is set to quite a high level, thus making the facial contortion that indicates genuine happiness to be a rare thing. This does not mean he is actually unhappy or as you suggested rude, he is just in a constantly ponderous, thoughtful mood. He is mostly quite happy, it just takes a lot for him to burst out in smile.

Unfortunately, he was born with an ugly head (we can't help but wonder how you neglected to mention this in your wide-ranging “review”). The ugliness of his features, the natural severity of his countenance even when his mood is so frequently mild and placid, has plagued him since childhood. He has spent his life explaining to friends and family and strangers that nothing is wrong, that he is not upset or angry, that no his best friend or pet budgie hasn't just died. He just has naturally severe features. It's quite the curse.

The thing is, when Grumpy does smile... on those rare and worthy occasions when he does crack a grin, it is a thing to behold. The heavens open and the angels sing and all the unicorns and fairies and dragons (the happy kind) throughout the magical kingdoms frolic together in unbridled joy.

And when he laughs – a far rarer thing than a simple crack of a grin – the sweetest cello sounds like crushed gravel by comparison. The angels and the unicorns and the fairies and the happy dragons are silenced in awe. So many musical notes of mirth spilling from such a butt-ugly head is like a... a rainbow emerging from a cat's arse. It is purely and utterly astonishing.

But criticism has been taken on board and Grumpy will attempt to crack a grin more often; the singing of angels is not heard nearly enough these days.

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