Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Moth... er F*cker

Sorry about the previous post. I'm putting together a piece about various comedians and some of those comedians just happened to swear a lot. But just because that filthy minded Lenny Bruce c*cks*cker was a dirty mother*f*cking pottymouth doesn't mean I have to be one.

And just because Bill Hicks screamed... Totally f*cking screamed at a heckler because she was a drunk c*nt, it doesn't mean I have to sink to his depths.

So I'm sorry about that.

And. So. Tonight. I'm all gentle and stuff and I'm saying goodnight to my Anngel and apologising because I was in a hyper mood because of all of the laughter yesterday and I'm telling her I love my friends and I love her too and reading about all these funny guys who died young, I tell her that I kind of like that I didn't die on August 9th five or so years ago, because fucking hell there are new people and the quality old people and the laughs... and it's really a sweet second chance. I nearly died. I didn't die. I thank the universe for that almost every day.

Then at this tender moment this offspring of nature makes its way into the room. It's a moth. This powdery moth with its wings and its eyebrow feeler things and its sweet determination to do... what exactly?

And I don't know how it happens but suddenly I'm standing on the bed and I'm clenched fists and sinewy necks... sinewy neck and I'm enraged and I'm fucking totally screaming at this fucking moth right into its sensitive little moth ears, "CAAAAAAARNT! YOU MOTHERFUCKING CAAAAARNNT! DID I FUCKING INVITE YOU INTO MY HOME? NO I FUCKING DID NOT SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU FUCKING CUNT OF A FUCKING MOTH?! HUH? WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM YOU FUCKED UP FUCKING FAAAAARCK!"

I have to start reading some Enid Blyton.

8 comments:

Kathryn said...

Whoa. Very happy you're here still but the moth isn't such a horrible thing, hey? Now, spiders. We shall not discuss spiders. Because they are obviously evil and sent to kill me. Fuckers.

bohémienne said...

Buzz buzz buzz... you are most definitely still buzzing, my friend. Woo hoo!

Anonymous said...

I am happy every day that yr still here too :):) U make my world a better place

quick said...

I think moths just offend me with their dopiness. I don't think it was expecting to be shouted at though.

Buzzing less now.

That is a lovely thing to say, Miss Boop. BTW, work less and remember to smell the flowers.

Betty Boop said...

the flowers have a nasty tendency to bite me on the arse :-p

work is way more fun

quick said...

It sounds like it could be dogs you are smelling, not flowers. Perhaps someone gave you a bunch of dogs one Valentines Day. Might explain your confusion.

Guyana-Gyal said...

There once was a moth in a Guyanese village close to Venezuela that made people itch really bad...itched so bad it probably made sweet ol' grannies cuss too. Though there are some grannies here who can cuss better than a sailor.

Y said...

I'll have to lend you and her this book I read recently. You'll never look at moths the same way again!