Thursday, April 09, 2009

From Crust Pizza On Crown Street, Surry Hills: Weirdest Pizza Ever

There are some things that just should not go onto a pizza. There are some obvious things like, I dunno - cigarette butts, underpants and small dogs.

But other totally wrong pizza toppings are a little less obvious. Pizza makers out there with a sense of adventure stroke their chins and think ,"Hey, this is so crazy it might just work." That's how prawns make it onto pizza. Look, I don't mind the occasional prawn, but for the love of humanity, please keep prawns the fuck away from pizza. It's just wrong.

Likewise... I like pizza and I like shepherd's pie. I thought the crazy guys at Crust Pizza on Crown Street in Surry Hills might just have the flair to get away with this, but wrong, wrong, wrong.

This cannot possibly have been the first shepherd's pie pizza you have ever built. You must have experimented. You must have made at least one before this one. Why, I'll go out on a limb here and bet that you've probably tasted one. At least one.

And what was the result of that test run, huh, Crust Pizza people from Crust Pizza on Crown Street Surry Hills? Did you go, "Mmm - mmm! This is good pizza!"?

Or did you also realise that no matter how good your other pizzas might be, it's just madness to put big blobs of mashed potato on a pizza? If the latter is the case, which it would be if you had a clue, what the hey? Why are you still making and selling shepherd's pie pizzas?

It's not pretty to look at for a start. It looks like Frosty The Snowman has taken a few satisfying dumps on my pizza. And if you can put the snowman poo image out of your mind for a minute or two and try eating the pizza you'll quickly realise what you've been suspecting since you saw the pizza guy using something you'd buy in a hardware store to get the mashed potato onto the pizza: it's a completely shit idea. It's a rubbish idea. It doesn't work. The dried mash potato goes into your mouth just long enough to suck all the moisture out of it before you have to hack it out into your napkin.

This is pizza insanity. It's Dali-esque in its breathtaking weirdness. Please come to your senses and keep the mashed potato the fuck away from pizza.


Thaydra said...


Were they at least friendlier to you this time?

Lee said...

My friend got a great big smile from the grumpy prick of a year ago. Later when I went back to get my pizza, he was civil and his eyebrows weren't telling me to fuck off, which was nice.

Unlike the mash potato blobs on the pizza.

Kathryn said...

He seemed to like me. Nice chap. Dunno what all the drama is about. ;-)

Saying that, he should get a massive kick for selling the weird mash pie. Really, what a bizarre pizza. On the other hand, my cappriossa was quite good.

Y said...

I don't know.. I think this is a case of you get what you ordered and paid for, Lee! Maybe you should submit your dinner to

Lee said...

You are correct, Y. It was a foolhardy undertaking. And I would submit it to that site but picture quality is lacking, I think, and I'll be damned if I'm ordering another one just to take a photo.

soph said...

OMG I just got this pizza and it's currently stuck to my oesophagus. It is so bad. It's the driest, stickiest, most tasteless embarrassment of a pizza ever created.

The delivery guy evilly told me at the door that I would, after I tasted this pizza surely be ordering many many more. He must have cackled his way back to his satanic pizza vehicle.

Lee said...

Hello Soph. I think most of their other pizzas are okay. This one, however, is fucking weird.