Thursday, August 31, 2006

Just Give Us The Information


I think I have a problem with focusing on the task at hand. I was in the process of trying to post a flier promo image on the shop's website tonight when I came across this photo.

Hands up who remembers my Owen The Penguin post. Hmm, not many of you. Anyway, there was a shot of a real fluffy penguin that was the cutest image ever, and I got my panties in a bunch because no one was leaving coments, so I threatened to Guantanamo the little fucker unless you left comments. It was all a bit weird because everyone started leaving comments saying I was a sick fuck or go on give it to the little bastard.

Fast forward many many months and I find myself in Brighton. There's a basketball throwing game on the pier where you can win a fluffy penguin bearing an uncanny resemblance to Owen. The Dreaded One and Bird said they didn't think I could win an Owen. As usual they were wrong and walked home with Owen tucked into the back of my purple poncho (shut up - it's Brighton where all the best people wear nothing but purple ponchos and fluffy penguins called Owen).

The oddest thing about this photo is that it is the result of two reasonably intelligent people spending the next two, maybe three hours Guantanamoing little Owen Hicks. Sure, it looks pretty bad for him now, but he was a stubborn little bastard and it took us hours to escalate the torture to this degree. He simply would not give us the information we wanted, which was... all he had to tell us was where the... information was. The information that we wanted. Which was very important information. But noooo. He was all, "But Missah Queeck, I don't have no infahmation. Ahm jus a liddle stuffed penguin wi' stitched up liddle penguin lips."

And Bird - playing bad interrogator - came over all, "CUNT! That's what you are, you little CUNT! Now give us the information before I kick your fuckin' face off and break that other bendy flippery thing... CUNT! By the time I've finished with you you'll have two FINGERS growing out of YOUR arse too!"

And good interrogator Quick said, "Chill, my delightful little minion. We've only just begun. How are your noose-tying skills?"

Right. I'm getting a little too into this. As we did on that day. Millions of photos. Ridiculous.

There really was a professionally-tied noose around Owen's neck by the end of the day. If only he'd given us the information. And if you click on the link at the side that says Remembering Argos, scroll down to the end (read the story if you want) you'll see a picture of me with Pigeon Christ looking over my shoulder, looking a little pissed off while his partner in torment hangs from a wall on the other side of the planet.

Sweet story huh?

Right, back to work.

6 comments:

Guyana-Gyal said...

Read this out loud on the bus [remember the dare we dared you?] and hold up the photo for all to see too :-D

Ohhh gosh, I saw a movie last night, Wolf Creek, a true story in Oz. Scarrry.

They put on English subtitles LOL.

Quick said...

Haha GG. It almost happened tonight on the way home. Problem was, the mobile phone talker was already talking when I sat down behind her. And I kind of think the reading out loud thing is only justifiable if The Reader is already seated and enjoying their public solitude and The Talker sits down and then proceeds to talk.

Recording photo proof could be difficult because of the random nature of the phenomenon. Will try to do it though.

Have not seen Wolf Creek. Might see it on DVD. Hope my copy has Australian subtitles.

Amra Pajalic said...

Lee, just read your story Remembering Argos, Oh, My God. It is so beautiful. Second person is so difficult to write and yet you brought the images to life so beautifully. As I was reading I was experiencing it myself and feeling the way that time passes so quickly and before you know your life is over. It's such an amazing story because it spans a whole life and it's so poignant for that reason. And I especially love his regret. Fabulous ending.

PS It was good to see your photo and be able to visiualise you.

Quick said...

Thank you Amra. That's just got my day off to a very good start. Glad you liked it, really appreciate the feedback.

Guyana-Gyal said...

You deserve that award, Quick. EVERYTHING Amra says about your Argos story, I agree. I think I've told you before, I love your writing.

I'm sitting here feeling sad about Steve Irwin. He was one of a kind. Completely original, using humour to raise awareness about wild life.

Quick said...

Ta GG. Glad you liked the story too :) Kind of hope it's not the best one I'll ever write.

Steve Irwin always annoyed me, truth be told. He just seemed to bung it on a bit. But you're right - after seeing his interview with Andrew Denton tonight... he was ok. He achieved a lot and semed to have a good heart. It is sad.