Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Look Into My Eyes

First image is my right eye. All good. Second image is my left eye. Bit weird.

Sometimes you can't help but feeling like you're getting slammed. I should look at what was going on a year ago because it always feels like I get slammed this time of year.

Work is thin. Money is a struggle. But it's better than this time last year and maybe better than it has been for a few years before that. Money will probably always be a struggle.

Then - last thing you need - you get this weirdness in your eye. You notice it and you check it out and you go along to the specialist and in spite of how old you are, you feel young and lean because all these other people in the waiting room with eye problems, they're not young and lean. Doctor says as much. He tells you, you ARE young, you know. And you know he's wrong, but you know he's right too.

Anyway, there's something in your eye. Scans are done and it's a rainbow universe in there. We are amazing creatures who can look so deeply into our structure. I am in awe. I have pretty eyes. We all have pretty eyes.

But there is something. It distorts my vision. If I only had my left eye, I would not be able to read. The people I pass in the street, their features are mooshed together. Swirls. This annoying circle standing between me and clear vision. I just want to see properly again.

Doc seems confident that it is nothing to worry about. And fuck it - I'm going with that. I watched his body language as he told me. I listened to his tone as he asked his assistant what she made of the scans. I think he is probably right and this thing will go away. I am being Optometristic.

But I am booked in for another test which will make me yellow (why can't I be Yves Klein Blue?) and my eyes will be big, but we'll then know where Buck Rogers has to aim his lasers.

I also found out I didn't get the arts editor job I'd kind of hoped I'd get so It's easy for me to feel a bit poo right now. I did, for a bit today.

But, you know, I have nice stuff too. Good people. Good stuff. I listened again to the beginning of the chat I had with Bill Bailey. For me, that's a cool, cool thing. Clumsyfunny chat, really sweet, and in the back of my mind I was thinking, how does this happen? How is it that I was talking to Bill Bailey.


Y said...

Oh man, sorry to hear about the problems. How long have you noticed the thing with your eye for? It wasn't picked up the time you got tested for glasses?

Lee said...

It's probably fine, Y. If it doesn't go away by itself he seems confident that we can zap it. I'm not scared anymore, just annoyed.

As for how long it's been there... there is confusion about this. I only noticed it properly last week. I assumed it had been there since i noticed my eyes deteriorating but I'm not entirely sure that's right. Maybe I only noticed it last week because it only appeared last week. it was definitely not this bad when I got my eyes tested though, at least not like it is now. Can't read any of the charts through it now.

Kathryn said...

Don't worry, Lee, I have a feeling everything will be alright. Doesn't stop it from being a worry, though. I'll be hoping for good stuff coming your way!

Y said...

Well I hope you'll keep us posted on how you're doing!

Lee said...

Thanks Kat and Yu-Ching. I want it to be fine. I'm sure it will be fine.

Guyana-Gyal said...

I've been trying to send good vibes but this ISP won't let me. So I'm trying again...good, good vibes. Hope your eye heals.

Lee said...

Thank you GG. All will be good eye-wise. Just been reading lots of eye stuff and although it's pretty damned odd at the moment, it should be okay.

It's made me appreciate all over again clean lines, cheek bones, smiles, the sharp lines and curls of the alphabet.