Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Big Things

Last night I watched a documentary on all the big things around Australia, and I was a little embarrassed by how many of them I've been to. Mind you, for a while there The Dreaded One and I were collecting photos of them.

I can say I have been to The Big Banana way too many times... actually I've only ever been inside it once, the rest of the time I've just driven past, always grateful that someone thought to write "The Big Banana" on it. Otherwise millions of tourists would have driven by wondering what it was. The Big Yellow Thing? The Big... oh maybe it is best they labelled it.

Anyway, there is also the Big Pineapple (pointy), The Big Prawn (scary), The Big Oyster (weird), The Big Trout (scaly), The Big Merino (wooly, horny and very testically), The Big Potato (See? The Big Potato wasn't labeled and we all thought it was The Big Rabbit Pellet), and The Little Ayers Rock (reddy). The last one doesn't technically qualify as a big thing, except that I think it went into bankruptcy, thereby making it The Big Mistake.

I have been to Tamworth but somehow didn't see The Big Guitar, and a friend kindly sent a postcard of The Big Earthworm from Victoria. It seems there are plenty of Big Things yet to see.

As REM said, "Oooh life, it's bigger, it's bigger than you and you are not me..." Which makes a LOT more sense than Big Things.


Boy Wonder said...

I don't know whether to be disturbed or amused (a feeling I've become all too accustomed with from reading your blog - ha! I made a funny!)

Officially, I think that's some kind of disease, the whole visiting "The Big..." monuments thing. You can get therapy, but the best cure is a balm you can get from the chemist. However, it only comes in 50kg tubs...

gab said...

I don’t know whether I love these things or hate 'em. My mate has a book called "Big Australian Tourist Attractions" which lists everything from the Big VB Can to the Big Muffler. I could only tick off a handful, all of which could have been renamed ‘The Big Disappointment’. The big camera in Meckering was particularly depressing, all closed up with tumbleweeds rolling through the car park. I

In theory, they sound like a good idea. “Let’s build a big fuck off Apple!” “no you’re mad!” “Definitely mad yes, but fuck it! Let's do it anyway!” What a hoot. But I think the problem is that interest wanes shortly after completion and they fall into disrepair. Hence they all look like crap. My suggestion is to build the bastards out of paper mache and call them all the Big Piñata then smash them up with baseball bats! Fill them up with lollies first of course, that’d be cool. Or if that’s a bit dangerous for the kiddies, torch them instead (not really a safer option come to think of it). Oh but what a spectacle it would be! There’d have to be a Big BBQ tied into the deal. Good god, it could go horribly wrong. There might be a Big 100 000acres of burnt farmland for tourists to visit. Hmm, bad idea.

Quick said...

I should explain that if you travel up the east coast as often as we have, it's difficult not to pas most of the ones listed here, and most of the photos were of The Big Blur Photographed From A Speeding car, or they were of one of us doing something tres elegant like pretending to piss or barf on The Big Thing.

Occasionally, though, you just have to fo inside and check out the souvenirs because they're a cack.

The Big Potato was in that negelected state of repair you describe, Gab. No doubt there were halcyon years of glory in Roberston when it did indeed look like a potato, but when we spotted it, rabbit pooh was what it looked like.

Bird said...

I just had a very weird memory of eating ice cream inside The Big Banana with Jen and then having to drive 3 hours back from a party after spewing bile all over the motorway and having some weird hyperventalatory reaction to the same thing that made me spew in the first place before crashing on a big comfy sofa and then sitting through Love Actually at a cinema with weird seats.

I realise now that the middle bit didn't happen at the same time as the end bits.

gab said...

I seem to recall a Big Poo tourist attraction in a town somewhere. There was some debate over the exact shape and features but all parties unanimously decided it needed a pointy end. Yeah? I’m pleased to say I’ve never looked that closely, though I do have a mate who will leave a particularly fine piece of cable marinating in the bowl so that subsequent visitors can admire his handiwork. Charming eh?

Quick said...

I especially like your use of the word 'marinating' in this context.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Hahaha I remember the first time I saw the big banana :-D

Did you see Ozzie the Mozzie? He is BIG!

Kathryn said...

I've been to the Big Banana! Sad...it's the only "Big" thing I saw whilst down under. Perhaps I should go back and do a tour.