Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Niggly Thing


As I left home for work this morning, I had that feeling, like something is not quite right. You get that feeling, you check for your keys. The Dreaded One is away for a few days so locking my keys inside is a fear that keeps me a wake at night... or it would if I didn't stay up all night anyway.

I check for my keys. They are there. I close the door and head off, still feeling that something is not quite right. I'm a good block away from home when I realise that I have left my phone behind. This is not good. This will totally bother me the whole day. I hesitate. If I go back and get my phone I will be late. I will feel more at ease having my phone with me but I will be late. I pause for just long enough to absently watch the 301 pull in, pick up my should-be fellow passengers, sit for a bit, then pull away.

Bugger. I commence walking to the station, deciding that I will somehow make it through the day completely phoneless.

As I approach The Big Pointy Building, something niggles. Niggly niggly niggly thing. Something is just not quite as it it should be. I would check that I am not wearing odd shoes and that my fly is zipped up but I have already done this several times and really need to get over these petty insecurities.

I get to Stage Door, the entrance to The Opera House and the kitchen where I faux chef. I look for my security pass and realise that I have left it behind.

Ah-ha, I think, that is The Niggly Thing.

But it is not The Niggly Thing.

I tell the security guy that I have left my pass at home. He asks for my surname. I tell him and commence spelling it immediately because every human known to humankind has trouble getting my last name right. On this occasion, my help only confuses the guy. I mean, he gets it, takes it in, has got all the letters right and in the right order, but he has the need to spell it back to me to confirm that we are in agreement regarding the spelling of my last name. What he comes back with is the most peculiar version of the phonetic alphabet I have ever encountered.

"So let me get this right... that's B for B-Grade movie?"

"... Yairs..."

Biting his tongue gently with his side teeth, the guy hunts and pecks.

"E for emery board?"

"Yes."

"M for... I dunno... Mary had a little lamb?"

"M for Mary had a little lamb. Yes. Very good."

"R forrrr... rose."

"Yes and actually that is the rest of the name. Rose."

"What?"

"You don't have to say O for origami maker, S for saxophone player etc. Just type in Rose. Bem - which you've already typed in - and Rose. It's actually not all that difficult."

Just then one of the other chefs walks in. He looks at me a little strangely, like why am I loitering at Stage Door?

"Left my pass at home," I tell him with a would-you-believe-it roll of the eyes while M for Moron says something about me not being on the system.

"But why are you here now?" other chef asks. "You're not rostered on until midday."

And there we have it - The Niggly Thing!

I tell the security guy to stop looking for me in the system because as impossible as it seems, he has clearly spelled my name incorrectly.

I head back home to collect my phone and my security card and to push the reset button for the day.

9 comments:

Kathryn said...

Ugh! Those feelings are the WORSE. Also, I don't see how it would be difficult getting your surname correct? He must have been quite daft...And, I sympathize because so many people get mine wrong, too.

Lee said...

I know. It could have been a bit more annoying if the other chef had said "Oh and by the way - you're not wearing any pants."

And Miss Shriva - everyone has trouble with my name.

Dina said...

Oh no!!

But at least it was kind of a positive thing. Well, more positive than some alternatives.

It is a pain that you got up and out of the house. You could have been relaxing at home...sleeping in.

Oops.

Lee said...

Thank you, Dina. I'm not a fan of going to sleep, but once there I love sleeping in. Would love to have slept in this morning... as pleasant as spending unnecessary time on public transport is.

Y said...

What a pain. I hate that feeling. I'm always checking for my keys (and wondering if I got the roster right for this week) at least ten times before leaving the house, paranoid person that I am.

Pure Gin! said...

oh god I just laughed so loud in my office people got over to come and see what I was laughing at...

"B for B-Grade movie.." and my laughter just kept getting louder from there...

Lee said...

Wish I could have heard that laugh, Gin.

Incidentally - there is the most ridiculous overlap in our tastes in music. I scrolled down your blog and it amused me a lot. You have excellent taste in music.

Mothership said...

I don't literally "LOL" very often but you got me with that one. Too funny and what a shitty start to your day. At least you got your phone and could alleviate one niggly feeling. You did remember your keys the second time though, right?

Lee said...

Of course I remembered my keys the second time. What are you implying here? That I'm vague?