Monday, October 17, 2005

Too Much Wormwood

I just remembered part of the reason I feel hungover. After getting back home from the pub I drank vodka and also decided to see how the wormwood tequila was going. I put a lot of wormwood in some tequila about a year ago. I think it’s too much wormwood because it’s THE most bitter taste ever. Seriously. And it lingers in your mouth for ages. It’s obviously the kind of signal a normal person would interpret as “For the love of God don’t drink any more of this stuff.” I interpreted it as a challenge and drank more.

Thing is, I think even if I didn’t trash myself on the weekends, I’d still feel like crap on Monday. I think my mind and body are just conditioned to feel some form of hangover every Monday. And if I’m going to suffer, there may as well be a reason for my suffering. That can’t be a healthy way of thinking.

Before leaving to come into the shop, I found myself looking at my pillow through bloodshot eyes. It’s a really good pillow. I think it’s goose down. I was looking at my pillow and wondering if I should bring it with me. It wasn’t until I was trying to picture how I would use it in the chair that I realised what an utterly absurd idea it was to bring my pillow into the shop. At the moment, however, I am very much regretting not bringing my pillow with me. I think a snooze would do wonders.

But I have things to do. I have my life to sort out. One of the things I talked about with Tea Leonie yesterday was that at least now I have focus, of sorts, with regard to what I want to do work-wise. I really would like very much to be a freelance writer. I didn’t really know this a year ago. And there was no real chance of it being possible a year ago. If I sold one feature to a glossy for good money, there’s no reason why I can’t do it again. There’s no reason I can’t persuade a couple of mags and newspapers to accept my writing. If I worked from home, relative happiness would occur.

But for this to happen I have to make it happen. I have to stop drafting proposals to publishers and finding them months later sitting in my ‘save as drafts’ folder. I have to follow through when I research magazines and actually contact them. And I have to contact lots more newspapers and magazines with my latest proposal. And I have to start doing all that now.

One customer today was kooky and zany and had reached a level off happiness that is, in my current mood, impossible to imagine. How does one achieve such happiness? She bought a pair of kooky and zany shoes, and her purchase made her even happier. She briefly distracted me from my hangover and even cheered me up a little.

Right. One life to sort out.

No comments: