Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Chirping For Mercy

Aaaaaawwwww... isn't he the cutest damn thing you ever saw? The way he's just standing there being so fluffy, going "Brrrr" and keeping himself warm by thinking about what it must be like for tropical penguins who can lie on sandy beaches sipping gin and tonics... but not until they're all grown up and of legal age n' shit, but still, he can just feel that tropical sun beating down, can hear those steel drums, feel that warm summer breeze gently ruffling his feathers, hear the chink of the ice cubes in his glass as the waves roll and hiss onto the sundrenched sand. Look at his little squinty eyes... really - have you ever seen anything more adorable in your life?

The point is, not enough of you are leaving comments. I want more comment action, and if I don't see it immediately, this little guy gets it. I am not fucking about here. You leave here without leaving a comment and I'm going to start with his wings... or whatever they are. Those flipperry wingy things on the side. I will do him slowly and painfully and it will be on your shoulders. I will make this little fucker scream for mercy... squawk for mercy? I don't know. Do they chirp? They're some kinda bird, surely they chirp... but is it possible to chirp for mercy? Bah. Whatever. I'll have the bastard mooing for mercy. By the time I've finished with him he'll be speaking Swahili. "Noo, noo, missuh Quick, prease don bend mah flippery wingy things no more. Dey good people. Dey don mean to upset you fo' not leavin' none comments." And then I'm going to get really angry because nothing pisses me off more than a penguin who uses double negatives in a bad Swahili accent.

Anyway. Your choice. Leave comments and the bird lives to see his old age in the tropics. Leave without saying anything... and yeah, no more mister nice guy. No more mooing Swahili penguin with flippery wingy things.

At the time of posting, my counter is at 10032. Arms are folded. Foot is tapping. Comments please...


Jennifer said...

Hmm... Is "flippery wingy things" the anatomical term?

PS. You are an evil EVIL man!

zoe said...

i love penguins and have a great gif on my blog somewhere ... about 2 years ago.

if you need any help with the swahili, the Twat will help you, i'm sure.

Heather said...

Please God, save the cute little bugger! Please

Guyana-Gyal said...

Did you see that tv show with the penguins and Albert Ross? I saw it on the ABC.

Boy Wonder said...

I heard a penguin story just last night:

A friend's friends took their 4-year-old son to Phillip Island to see the fairy penguins (yes, the gay ones). Anyway, they get home later, poured their son a bath and leave him to it. The mother then hears some commotion coming from the bathroom. She opens the door to see her delighted son watching a penguin swimming around their bath - he'd slipped one into his backpack and it had fallen asleep on the ride home (the penguin, not the backpack). The mother called the nature reserve and said her son had taken a penguin, to which they replied "Oh, that's ok. Children take penguins from the gift shop all the time." "No," she said, "he took a real one." Silence on the other end of the phone, and then "We'll be right over."

True story.

Babs said...

How do we know you haven't off-ed him already?? Eh?!?!

I, for one, am demanding evidence that he's still waddling about before I comment.

Quick said...

I dunno... this doesn't look good for the little feller. 10 visits so far and only six comments. That's four Owen haters.

Jennifer - Ya, that's the correct biomological termination.

Zoe - thanks for the offer, but Owen will be proficient in Swahili by the time I've finished with him.

HL - my sentiments exactly.

GG - Weirdly I did see a program about penguins recently. One of those wandering through the room halfway through things.

BW - Ha ha. Funny (thus the ha ha). Lucky the kid didn't get into the hippo enclosure at the zoo.

Babs - Listen: "Missu Quick you a - mmmff mmmff." See? He's fine... for now.

bee vee vee said...

"Pin-gwins rock"

Brought to you by Comments for Attention Whoring Bloggers Assoc.

/meant that in a nice way.


Quick said...

I take everything you say in a nice way.

Incidentally, what's with the Dolly Parton Pic? Is that a boobs thing? Like you're saying your boobs are big? Is that what that's about? Big boobs? Are you saying yoo have big boobs? (Which you apparently do). But... oh, giving up now.

Thanks for not being an Owen Hater.

Bird said...

I hate Owen

Babs said...

I'm not convinced.

Let's see a picture of the bugger with tomorrow's NY Times.

THEN I'll say something.

gab said...

Inviting comments eh? I usually can’t resist putting my two bobs in. I don’t have many thought about penguins though, sorry. Plus Boy Wonder’s story was a cracker and can’t be matched. Hmm, wracking brain…. Nup, no comments swimming to the surface of the muck so I’ll have to tell you about getting snogged by an old woman instead.

Caught up with some old crew last night who had kindly put me up in the UK a few years ago. Pat and Ted are in their 60s and were showing great fortitude on the drinking front. So by the time I went to leave Pat at least was well sozzled. Well that’s the story I’m going with cos it makes the following transgression a little easier to bear.

I leant in to give her a kiss on the cheek and the cheeky minx pulled me into a boob-pressing hug. Given our height difference her head found itself nestled into my neck, which gave her the opportunity to plant a lascivious kiss on my neck! Haha! Necked by a sexagenarian. Hell, that makes it sound even dirtier.

So no penguin correlation but damn i feel better getting that dirty secret off my chest.

bee vee vee said...

haha, I have an obsession with dolly parton at the moment. You know she owns the production company that produced Buffy? And that she has ginormous breasts?

Every girl needs something to aspire to... I'm off to buy me some blonde wigs

gab said...

Nice one bee vee vee. I picked up a saucy little dolly parton dress at an opshop a while ago for 5 bucks. Its bright red, immorally short, wickedly figure hugging and has some artfully placed fringing that makes you boobs look giant and jiggly. It looks freakin’ hot with cowboy boots. My friends cry “wear the dolly parton dress!” when we go out but I suspect its only so they can have a laugh at my expense. Pricks.

Quick said...

Wow. I post a pic of a fluffy penguin and now we're talking about snogging the elderly and the size of Dolly Parton's mamarriage.

Guess that mean's I'm going to have to whack Owen before the conversation degenerates any further.

This is going to hurt me more than it is you, Owen, you cute little thing...

"Pwease don't missuh Quick..."

Dave said...

Two words.... honey soy.

madamesocialbutterfly said...

you sick f*^ker!

love your work :)

Anonymous said...

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