Monday, February 20, 2006

Update On The Twat Of The Year Award

I decided not to go with the arrogant approach with the new mag. I called and was very polite (obviously) and the ed was very nice and it appears that I will get the column as well as commissioned arts writing, reviews, interviews etc. Yay me! Yay them! Yay being nice! It's all still got to happen, of course, but this is very good news.

And the new new editor of the mag in Queensland I write a column for wrote this morning to say they really like my Grumpy column and can I send a few extras to cover while I'm away. And this guy has asked me to write a story for the mag he works for. Fuck, man, I just feel so loved.

All positive vibes, much needed too. Below is my most recent column for the mag I'm about to leave. I've not been overly confident of late.


Well gang – in a few short weeks I’ll be traipsing (vaguely) down the 3D stairwell for the last time. For a job I scored by accident, it’s been three and a half years of more fun than I thought I could have at a desk. Funny thing is, when I tell people I’m leaving the first thing they invariably ask is “Why?” I don’t know, I tell them, it’s just time; life is bendy and I have to check out what’s around the corner. The second thing they ask is, “What are you going to do?” I’m going to pray that the god of freelance writing smiles favourably upon me. The third thing they say – without fail – is, “Don’t worry – something will turn up.” Really? Really? How do they know this? I really wanna know where this unshakable optimism comes from, because I want some of it. I want a lot of it now. Being the sorry sack of neuroses that I am at the moment, I’m not at all sure something will turn up. I’m wracked with self-doubt because I don’t know what it is that I do. Do you know how lame that sounds? Flash bar, spunky chick: “So what is it you do, Grumpy?” “Erm, I’m not really sure.” Right now I’m so apprehensive about the future I feel like Woody Allen trapped in the body of, I dunno, Hugh Jackman? Okay, so that’s a slight exaggeration... I’m not quite as neurotic as Woody Allen. Nevertheless. I gaze into my crystal ball and I see windscreen washer guy. I’ve replaced lying in bed at night clutching the sheets with white knuckles, staring wide-eyed into the darkness and thinking, “Oh God we’re all going to die” with lying in bed at night clutching the sheets with white knuckles, staring wide-eyed into the darkness and thinking “I don’t know what I do.” Right now, that great Ozzie sentiment, “She’ll be right” never sounded more ridiculous. Will she? How do they know she’ll be right? What if she’s not right? What if they’re wrong? What if I relax my grip on my sheets and stop being so bug-eyed because I think she’ll be right, and she just isn’t?

Still, I’ve never really done the blind optimism thing before. Maybe I should kick my inner Woody Allen in the arse and tell him to fuck off. Maybe, after all, she will be right. Maybe something actually will turn up.

And if not, maybe I’ll see you at the local intersection. “Need your window cleaned?”

Grumpy

2 comments:

gab said...

Booo! Decided against the arrogant approach!? Meow! nah, good to hear things are working out for you Quick. yay indeed. Its weird how people sprout that 'you'll be right' sentiment and you think ‘yeah right bozo, easy for you to say’ yet you still manage to land on your feet as they predicted. Or sometimes you might fall on your arse a bit but it makes for a good story later so it doesn't matter.

I started a new job today and already the opportunities for humour abound. I can’t believe the room next to my office is called “the fecal lab”. That’s right, as in poo! I’m sure there’s some pun to be made with reference to the bullshit that is spun from my room next door but right now it’s eluding me. My brain is hurting with the influx of so much new information and people's names to remember. But that’s the beauty of throwing caution to the wind and giving up your comfort zone. I liken it to tearing your clothes off and leaping into a pool at a party. You could end up looking a bit silly but it’s a hell of a lot more invigorating than sitting on your esky all night making small talk.

Guyana-Gyal said...

I am so glad for you I can't read the rest, I'll have to come back and read slooowly :-) yee hawww