Lush

Speaking of outrageous intoxication... I went to see a play on the weekend. I went alone and I'm quite used to that. I sat down and someone took the vacant seat next to mine. She was a talker, and it took me a couple of minutes to realise she was utterly stewed.

"Are you here as part of the audience?" she asked, "or are you part of the performance?"

"I'm just here to see the play," I replied, thinking it was one of the sillier conversation starters I'd encountered. "Why did you ask that?"

"Oh my daughter's involved in a lot of these things and I know how it works."

"Ah." Okaaaay.

"I just like to take an interest in the audience. I'm involved with the HSC. Had a bugger of a time with my year elevens today. That's why I reek of wine. Oh poor you - you had to get the drunk talkative one..."

It was about here that I realised she was falling off her chair drunk; Quick by name, quick by nature. Fucking hell. Why me? The minutes oozed by as the theatre filled. Complete rubbish fell from her mouth and I realised that she didn't have a clue what the play was about. There's a review of it at the side of this page under My Online Reviews - Emergency Sex. I'd read the script and interviewed the playwright, so I knew it pretty well. She was on about the title and what a great one it was, and when I said the play was a bit of an expose on the UN and that it followed the story of three UN Peacekeepers, she looked disappointed. I think she fully believed she was going to see live sex acts on stage under the pretence of watching mainstream theatre.

When the play finaly commenced, so did her disaproving muttering. The play's first line was delivered by an actor generally known for his comedic performances, and her voice alone in a packed theatre of 200 or so rang out in half a choked laugh. It was not a funny line, yet she assumed it would be and laughed loudly, a second later after realising that no one else was laughing, catching herself. What a mess. And she is teaching high school students?

15 minutes of muttering, removing her glasses and putting them back on, fidgetting in her seat and she mercifully gave up. Said something to her friend on the other side, then bothered to excuse herself to me and explain with disgust, "I'm going back outside. This is just utter plagiarism."

The play is based on the best selling book of the same name (with the full support of the authors and Miramax who own the rights), and perhaps she had read the book but had not made the connection. She could have been that stupid. I think it's more likely that she just grabbed the word 'plagiarism' because it sounded like a suitably intellectual cover for the fact that she just badly needed to get back to the bar.

Tomorrow night I'm going alone to a burlesque show called Feast On Flesh. Hmm.