Sunday, February 15, 2009

Things On Acid


One of the things I've groaned about in reviews every time I've read it is that dreary little drug reference. You know the one... 'This show is so zany it's like it's been written by [insert name of writer] ON ACID!'

'It's like Mary Poppins ON ACID.'

"This movie is so violent it's like Quentin Tarantino ON ACID.'

What the fuck, I usually find myself wondering, do these halfwits actually know about acid? It's a lazy attempt at sounding hip to the thing. I think the first person to have used the phrase came up with a good, original description and all who have used it since are lazy imitators.

Then, to be fair, I have probably used the phrase 'high-octane' without having much of a clue about what high octane actually means. I guess it means something like, 'It's a liquid that makes your car work just like petrol... ON ACID!'

Still. This drug thing. Muppets. I recently received the press release for the forthcoming Russell Brand tour and it had this bit of giggly brilliance:

“He can conjure the situational absurdity of a Monty Python sketch in just a few exaggerated pantomime moves and wield the observational wit of Oscar Wilde after an amyl nitrate hit. Brand exudes a Jagger-esque rock star charisma mixed with an undercurrent of David Schwimmer’s ‘Why me?’ neurotic twitchiness” said the LA TIMES.

Excuse me, Mr LA Times - "The observational wit of Oscar Wilde after an amyl nitrate hit." What the fuck are you on about? Brand is a funny, funny man, but I'm sure even he shat his pants with laughter at the absurdity of that description. Do you, Mr LA Times, have a clue what amyl does to you? It turns you into a monkey. It turns you into a very stupid person having a fun time time on the inside of your head while reducing you to a bug eyed sloth on the outside. It doesn't make you witty, you numbskull. You might mumble something through your drool that you think is observational wit, but those around you will just be going, "Hmm, he's pretty fucked up right now."

Please, Mr LA Times, stop trying to be cool. Go back to the on acid thing because at least everyone knows what you're trying to say, in your lazy way. If you're going to try to get edgey and go beyond the on acid thing and use amyl nitrate, use amyl nitrate. Actually use it and see what it does to your observational wit. Just once, just so you have a bit of an idea of what you're talking about.

And I think that's probably a good idea because amyl is a stupid drug for stupid people. And you, Mr LA Times, are a wanker of a stupid person. So maybe, in the end, you do have the observational wit of a "journo" after an amyl nitrate hit.

Fucker.

Speaking of being on acid - check this out. It's a series of drawings done by a guy on acid as an experiment to chart the progressive effects of the drug. Very funny.

I also just read about an experiment in 1962 in which a scientist injected an elephant with LSD to see what would happen. Tusko the elephant reacted to the injection immediately, trumpeted a bit then fell over and died. They concluded that elephants are apparently very sensitive to the drug. Problem is, the heartless bastards injected poor Tusko with 3,000 times the dose a human takes. I'm not totally sure just how big an elephant is in relation to a human but I'm pretty sure it's not 3,000 times bigger. I'd have gone for something like 10 or 20 times bigger.

Nut jobs.

Oh yeah - the picture was taken at Rainbow Serpent. The girls were frolicking in a field, laughing their asses off like a couple of doof chicks... on acid.

11 comments:

Guyana-Gyal said...

I read this post while brushing my teeth...I always poo'd toothpaste all over my pooter after your comment to Mr. LA Times.

Guyana-Gyal said...

I mean, I *ALMOST poo'd toothpaste*...

And no, I ain't on acid.

Lee said...

You brush your teeth while reading blogs? You poo toothpaste? You are taking multi-tasking to a whole new level, GG.

Kathryn said...

I'm a little childish and my first instinct after reading this was to retort, "You're on acid!" And then run away laughing. hehehe

Kathryn said...

I was kidding, obv. I am very mature and grown-up. :P

Lee said...

Soo are not.

Kathryn said...

That hurts. Really.

Lee said...

It Sooo does not.

drodbar said...

Well said about the 'on drug' comments - they've bugged me for decades.

Another one that grates for me is 'defies categorisation/refuses to be pigeongholed'.

I don't like 'subversive' either.

Lee said...

Hello again Drodbar. I read some food writing recently in which the writer use the description 'mouth-watering' twice in the same paragraph. Once was bad enough.

drodbar said...

Cheers. I don't think the site of good food fills my mouth with water at all. Drinking a glass of water does.

You despair of the world when intelligent people are so content with empty cliches. To no avail: stands for veracity and literary style cannot halt the march of marketing sensibility to world domination.