Arse Line

I have no real recollection of where it happened, but my memory is of hearing someone say quite earnestly something about something 'ruining my arse line.' It struck me as the funniest, most ludicrously vain thing to say, and I said to The Dreaded One "Did you hear what they said?"

Naturally I've been saying it ever since. You have to say it in a slightly petulant tone, furrowed brow, like you're trying to solve one of the universe's great mysteries. "Ooh - I just can't put my wallet in the pocket of these jeans - it completely ruins my arse line."

It comes out deadpan, and The Dreaded One knows it's a joke, and we've done it so many times that neither of us even bothers laughing or indicating in any way that this is our little joke.

But the guy at the traffic lights who overhears it, he doesn't know it's a joke. He looks sideways at me to see what kind of vain twat would get all sooky about their wallet ruining their arse line and later he probably tells his girlfriend, "I was standing at the lights today and you wouldn't believe what this twat actually said. He said ooh I can't possibly put my wallet in these jeans because..."

And on it goes.