Thursday, December 22, 2005

Normal Household Stuff

I was chatting to my friend in the UK on msn last night. The Dreaded One arrived home after her work christmas drinks thing. I could tell by the way she called out hello from the front door that she had brought someone home with her and was hoping I wasn't watching porn and masturbating or wandering around in my underpants or whatever. She came into the study munching on that drunk person's staple, a doner kebab. I've never seen her do that before.

"Hello," she said brightly around a mouthful of kebab. "We're eating kebabs. We're drunk."

"Ah," I replied, wondering why I found it so amusing that she was scoffing down a kebab.

"I brought Simone home. You haven't met Simone. She's drunk and eatinig a kebab too. We might go out onto the balcony and eat our kebabs."

With that, she turned and left the room, and I noticed that her new hair-do involved having a lightning bolt shaved into the spiky blond hair on the back of her head, right between her multi-coloured fluro dreads.

I heard this Simone person go into the bathroom, so I seized this opportunity to walk quickly into the bedroom to put some pants on. When Simone came out she left the bathroom light on. We shook hands, and her hand was still wet and for some reason that bothered me more than leaving the light on. We said pleased to meet you and she wobbled out to the balcony to join her new kebab-eating friend.

I sat down at the computer to tell my friend what was happening and that I would have to go out and be civil. She wrote: "Say hello to The Dreaded one for me. Kick Simone in the head for me. I don't know who the fuck Simone is. I don't like new people."

I might take a photo of the lightning bolt and post it.

4 comments:

Guyana-Gyal said...

The wet hand...

the wet hand...ewww...

Quick said...

I know! It's not like there wasn't a clean hand towel in there. I think she was just really focused on getting back to her kebab.

Bird said...

I'm sure that isn't quite what I said about Simone...

Quick said...

It's exactly what you said. It was funny. Shut up.