Saturday, May 06, 2006

Grumpy V The Gladiatrix

I have made myself unfeasibly grumpy about people who dance to supermarket music. They irritate me beyond belief. What do they think they are doing? It's shit music in a shit place where you go to buy food, toilet paper and things to dilute the vodka with, not a fucking nightclub. I mean, I'm glad they're in a happy state of mind and everything, but seriously, fuck off! Stop drawing attention to yourself in such an embarrassing manner. And okay, so you know the words to Woman In Love by Barbara Streisand, but you really need to keep that kind of shit to yourself. It's just not the kind of thing normal, well-adjusted people like to announce to the world.

My mood improved, however, when I stumbled across an astonishing piece of information. I was writing my travel piece about Turkey and was looking for stuff about Ephesus, and I saw the words 'Female' and 'Gladiator' in the same sentence. Whoa. Who can resist that combination of words? Not me. Chick gladiators? I'm there. Apparently there's plenty of evidence to suggest that there were in fact female gladiators and that they were a big drawcard at many gladiatorial events. They even found the grave of one in London in 2000. Dead cool or what? But get this - sometimes instead of fighting other gladiatrices, they had to fight dwarfs. I have to stop now because it just doesn't get better than chick gladiators doing battle with dwarfs. There's a lot of stuff I would have done if I was a Roman Emperor, but I really doubt that I would have had the... the vision to think of pitting female gladiators against dwarfs. Now that is the work of a great mind.

What I couldn't find in all my reading is who won? Who wins out of a dwarf and a gladiatrix? Were there famous dwarf gladiators revered throuhgout the ancient world for their ability to whoop bitch arses? I must continue my research...


Anonymous said...

Don't knock babs or I'll whoop your bitch ass.

Betty Boop said...

i hate to break it to you but I confess to the occasional bout of supermarket jigging and singing..........especially if i'm shopping with my lil sisters coz in my family we sing - its kinda what we've grown up doing - so if we're together and there's music on....chances of us breaking in to fairly loud and embarrassing song is pretty high.

Note to not shop with Quick :-p

Quick said...

Haha. When you come back to Sydney we are soooo going to go shopping at Coles. I wanna see Betty Boop do The Supermarket Bop.

Pisser said...

Ephesus? Jesus-!

What I hate are people who either bring 2,000 kids to the park (shattering the silence, defeating the purpose) or find it necessary to sing out loud.

Actually, I hate those kinds of people pretty much anywhere, esp. the subway (where they have a captive audience).

Quick said...

Yeah - public transport people suck. Especially the noisy ones. And the quiet, shifty ones. And the ones not on public transport too.

And in the park it all people especially the ones who are throwing, hitting and kicking things... unless it's throwing hitting and kicking each other, which is acceptable.

People. Pffft.