Thursday, May 11, 2006

It's All Gone Pete Dong

Since returning from overseas (have I mentioned my overseas trip?) something has happened. Or rather, nothing has happened. Prior to leaving I was feeling positive because everyone seemed to want me to write for them. One mag even said "Dude - we would be stoked to get you on board." NOW however, no one is returning my calls or emails. What happened? What did I do?

One of the many things I would do if I were a Roman emperor is round up all the fuckers who previously displayed enthusiasm and promised open arms but who are now avoiding me and I'd have them beheaded... actually that's a bit harsh. Beheading is for primitives. I would have them, erm, donged. Public dongings would be in order. Not vicious dongings, just humiliating ones... and not all that humiliating either. Unless being publicly donged with fluffy toys is considered humiliating... which it wouldn't be if I were The Emperor. In fact public donging with fluffy toys would be considered an honour, if I were Emperor Maximus Quickus... wait on, that defeats the whole fucking point...

On a separate note, does anyone know if Picasso really did utter Modigliani's name on his death bed?

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