Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Thank You For Calling

My loathing of people is a general thing, but there are some in particular I reeeeeally despise. Those people who call from market research companies and marketing promotion companies for example. I've given up on being polite to them. I know they're only doing their job and I don't get abusive, but I have no qalms about cutting them off and telling them point blank, "I'm not interested, I don't want any, I don't care, goodbye." Sometimes I just give them a Hollywood hang up.

Today, however, I realised that you can have fun with them.

"Hello. My name is Gwen. How are you today sir?"

"I'm well. Thank you for asking."

"That's excellent. I'm so happy to hear it. Sir, your number has been selected today for a very special opportunity. I'm calling from The Really Annoying Phone Company, and we're offering you the opportunity of owning a brand new phone... for free! Now the package we're offering you, sir, comes with two handsets and usually retails for more than $400... but we're offering it to you at absolutely no charge. Doesn't that sound good to you?"

"Well it sure does Glen, but I'm just not sure what you mean by my 'number' has been selected. Which number has been selected?"

"Sir? Your telephone number."

"Ah, see, that's what confused me. I don't have a telephone number."

"You... I... sir?"

"I don't have one. I don't even have a telephone."


"Glen? Are you still there?"

"Yes sir. And it's Gwen."

"I don't believe in them, Glen. Telephones are against my religion, therefore I don't have one."

"Sir... I'm just offering you a free... what is this phone number?"

"You should know, Glen. You called me."

"But I... Then you must have a phone. And if you have a phone you must have a number... I am not understanding what you mean..."

"Thank you for calling. And have a nice day."


D-Man said...


Thesedays I find I can't even have fun with them. Seeing as they're calling from a call center in India and their accents are too thick. Either that, or they're too thick...

Quick said...

Zakly. It was an Indian accent too. So you have to read the whole thing... their part of the whole thing, thinking, I dunno, Peter Sellers in The Party?

Guyana-Gyal said...

Yes, yes, do Peter Sellers in The Party. Birdie Num-Num.

My mum has a great time teasing the fone folks when she's in the US. She's mischievous.

gab said...

My mum is a bit rude, she likes to ask them what they're wearing, haha.